As humans, we all make mistakes. We all say and do things that end up hurting those around us, and sometimes, those that are closest to us. Now when you are the one that gets burned, the big question as to whether or not you should forgive often remains unanswered because we tend to have issues seeing past the hurt.
One thing that I have come to learn lately is that holding onto anger or holding a grudge against people typically does more harm to you than it does to anybody else. When you feel betrayed, it can be easy to fall into the self pity trap. A lot of the time you’ll throw yourself a pity party, bash the person that hurt you, make passive aggressive jabs in the form of internet memes, etc. I have done this myself, and I see it all the time on Facebook from others as well. I think a big reason that we do this is to try to convince ourselves that we hate the person that hurt us, as though hating them will somehow take away the negative emotions surrounding that which caused you pain in the first place.
The hard truth is that doing those things doesn’t actually work to reduce the negative emotions that you are feeling, in fact, it can be doing the total opposite. For this reason, I want to share with you what I have found to be truly beneficial in these types of situations.
Change your social media attitude.
Skip the self-pity, angry, and/or depressing posts on social media, and instead, find some positive, motivational, and inspiring things to post instead. Our lives are our creation. We get what we put into the world. If you are focusing on the negativity of your situation, you will actually end up attracting more bad into your life while repelling the good. Focus on putting positivity out into the universe, and you will start attracting the right people into your life. Not only that, but if you are consistently being positive (even if you don’t necessarily feel happy at the time you make the post), over time this will actually initiate a mental shift and you will genuinely become more and more happy over time. From a psychological perspective, this is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Exercise regularly and focus on a clean diet.
Seriously. Just do it! I can tell you with 100% honesty that exercise helps as a mood enhancer. I know this from experience. I have been on and off with fitness for three years now, and in that time I have fallen off the wagon several times. During those periods, I would be inactive with my workouts and I would struggle with my nutrition. Every time that happened, I would start to feel what I call “brain fog” coming back and I would revert back to being depressed. This is just a state of mind where I am always a little tired and groggy no matter how much sleep I get, and I start to be less cheery and happy overall.
Studies have shown that those who exercise regularly tend to be happier than those who are inactive, and even that activity can help to not only treat depression, but also to prevent relapse. Until you have experienced this firsthand, you probably won’t believe me. When I am angry or upset sometimes I will do Combat, which is a martial arts based fitness program. After half an hour to an hour of that, I feel so much better! It doesn’t have to be Combat either. Maybe you prefer dancing, or maybe you hate cardio and would prefer to take up something calming like yoga. Whatever the case may be, exercise can help you to clear your head, regain confidence when it has been shaken, and just feel happy and healthy again.
Surround yourself with friends.
Sometimes life gets in the way of our friendships and we let too much time pass between visits, or even talks. One thing that I have learned is that though you can be strong and independent, sometimes you just need to have a group of friends in your life to hang out with from time to time and take your mind off everything else. It is important to nurture those relationships, and to make an effort to keep those people in your life.
These days it is far too easy to lose touch with people, so you may find yourself in a position where you don’t feel like you have any friends. Trust me, I’ve been there! In those cases, what I challenge you to do is to go through your friends list on Facebook and make a list of people that you used to be good friends with. Next, I want you to reach out to those you wish were still in your life, and simply invite them out to do something. This takes strength, because it is most likely going to be way out of your comfort zone. If you can do it though, it may help to totally turn your life around.
These are the three biggest shifts that I have made in my life after a rough patch, and since making them, I have been much happier. In life we are bound to get hurt by people that will not see the fault in their actions, that will never apologize for hurting you, and who will do everything in their power to shift the blame from them over to you. The best thing that you can do when this happens is learn to forgive them. Not because they need forgiveness, but because you deserve to be free.
Let go of that which you cannot control, and instead focus on doing that which makes you happy. For me, that just happens to be spending time with friends, traveling, and working out. If you can determine the activities that make you the happiest, focus on those and then the rest will just fall into place.
Call to action!
If you’ve been throwing a pity party as described above, I dare you to try these three steps for 2 weeks and come and tell me how you feel when the 2 weeks are over. I am willing to bet that you will find yourself to be in a much better place mentally and emotionally after a few weeks of consistency with these positive shifts. You’re not going to forget about what hurt you, but you will eventually be able to forgive and let go. I am serious about the telling me how you feel part too! I want to hear about your experience with this challenge, so feel free to message me privately using the contact me form and let me know how you made out.
Thanks for reading, and I truly hope that this helps!
Move 1: Lunge with a frontal press
This move is very similar to the lunge with overhead press that you did yesterday. You wrap the band around your back foot, lunge forward with the other foot, drop down low, come back up, and then do a press straight up. The difference is that your arms aren’t out to the side this time bent at a 90 degree angle. Instead, your elbows are pointed down in the start position, and your lift straight up. Do your lunge, and then the press when you get back up out of your lunge. Repeat this sequence on one leg for 30 seconds, and then switch to the other leg for the final 30 seconds. As an extra little challenge if you’re up for it, try doing an extra 10 seconds of just the frontal press from an upright position.
Move 2: Squat with a calf raise
This move is similar to the lunge with a calf raise, only instead of a lunge before the raise, you do a squat. You will stand on top of your band with your feet shoulder width apart, and you will hold your band by the handles or below at your hips. You will squat down, rest your hands on your knees for balance if necessary, and come up into a calf raise. You might wobble a bit on this one because you’re doing a squat and a calf raise at the same time, but you’ll get better over time. You will repeat this sequence for 1 full minute. As an extra little challenge if you’re up for it, try doing an extra 10 seconds of just the calf raises from an upright position.
Move 3: Sumo squat with jab punches
By now you should be familiar with the sumo squat, but essentially you will be squatting with your feet wider apart than your typical squat and your toes pointed outward. Instead of standing on your band for this exercise, you will actually have to wrap it around your torso. Take the band and hold the center of it to your belly, wrap one end around your back and to your front, and then repeat on the other side. Once you have a grip on both of the handles, drop down into your sumo squat, and then you will alternate arms and punch an invisible target in front of you. Try to aim at chest height, and try to hit the same spot each time. If this gets too hard, you can drop the band and continue the punches without it, but only if it is absolutely necessary! Otherwise, continue with the sumo squat and punches for 1 full minute. You don’t need to squat up and down on this one, you just stay in that sumo squat position throughout the full minute. It will burn, but that is a good thing! If you need a little break, you can just come up slightly to rest for a few seconds, and then drop right back down.
Move 4: Lawn mowers
With this move you will get into a lunge position and step on your band with your forward foot. You will need to step closer to the end of the band for this move, and you will only use one end of the band. All you have to do is imagine yourself trying to start a basic lawnmower with the pull cord. You stay in the lunge position for 30 seconds with your other hand resting on your knee for balance. Meanwhile, the hand opposite to your forward foot will be pulling on the band and trying to bring it up to the shoulder. You should feel this in the back of your shoulder, and it will feel almost like you’re trying to bring your shoulder blades together. Once the initial 30 seconds are up, switch to a lunge stance on the other side and pull with the other arm for the final 30 seconds.
Move 1: Post delt fly hold
For this move you will start by holding the band straight out in front of you, with your grip in the middle of the band. You’ll have to make that circle again so that you’re holding the band and the handles. Then you will pull both arms out away from one another and to the sides simultaneously, and then when they are straight out to the sides, you slowly bring them back to center. Repeat this pattern for 30 seconds, and then for the last 30 seconds hold the band with your arms straight out to the sides for 30 seconds. As a little bonus if you’re up for it, try taking a 15 second break to shake out your arms, and then hold your arms out to the sides with your band for an extra 10 seconds.
Move 2: Sumo squats with a hip lift
With this move you will be working your legs, hips, butt, and core. You will start by stepping on the band in the center and holding the handles to your hips. Spread your feet further apart, and point your toes out to the sides, and then get down into a sumo squat. Come back up slowly, and then inch your feet back shoulder width apart, then balance on one leg while raising the other out to the side. Try to crunch your body toward the leg lift as you do it, and that will work your core and your oblique’s. Alternate legs each time you come up, and repeat the pattern for 1 full minute. As a little bonus if you’re up for it, try an extra 10 seconds just doing the sumo squat.
Move 3: Lunge with posterior fly
For this move you will need to wrap the band around your forward foot, making sure that the band is even on each side. You will lunge forward, with your forward leg at a 90 degree angle, and then you will raise your arms up and out to the sides. Your arms should be bent at a 90 degree angle, and it will feel like you’re trying to press your shoulder blades together. Imagine you’re squeezing a pencil between those muscles when you do that fly. If you need to see how it looks, you can search posterior fly on google for a picture. You will do one leg for 30 seconds, and then switch the band over to the other leg for the final 30 seconds. As an extra little bonus if you’re up for it, try standing on your band with feet shoulder width apart and doing just the fly for an extra 10 seconds.
Move 4: Bench press with a leg lower
You will need to be lying down for this move, so if you have a mat you can bring that out. Otherwise, you can use carpet, or put a towel or a blanket down. Just position the band across the mat, and then lie down on your back on top of the band. You may want to make the circle again for more resistance, but I will leave that to you. You will start with your arms straight up in the air in front of your face, and your legs also raised straight up into the air. Slowly lower your legs toward the floor as you bring your arms down to the sides. The arms will bend at 90 degrees when you get to the bottom, but do not allow your elbows to rest on the floor at the bottom. Don’t let your legs hit the floor on the way down either, just hover and then slowly bring both the arms and the legs back up. Repeat this for 1 full minute. As an extra little bonus if you’re up for it, take a 15 second break and then continue for another 10 seconds.
Move 1: Band LAT pull
With this move you will hold the band a bit more than shoulder width apart in the middle, and make a circle with the end of the band so that you’re holding both the band and the handle. This will protect you from getting hit with the handle as you go. Raise your arms straight up over your head, with an incline slightly in front of your face to keep you from getting hit with the band. Now you will slowly lower one arm down toward your leg, and raise it back up. Repeat the same thing on the other side, and keep alternating like this for 30 seconds. Next you will go back to your start position, and bring both arms down simultaneously for 30 seconds. If you find that it is too hard to keep your arms straight as you do this, you may just need to widen your grip on the band to give you more room to move. As a little bonus if you’re up for it, try holding the band with your arms straight out to the sides for 10 extra seconds.
Move 2: Squats
With this move you will hold the band by your hips, and step on the center of the band. If you don’t get any resistance by holding the handles, which is probably going to happen, all you need to do is make a small circle like you did on the last move so that you’re gripping the handle and the band below it to increase your resistance on the move. With squats I want you to alternate a bit. Start with 4 regular squats, then do 2 really slow squats, and then do 2 half squats (this is when you only squat down half of your normal range). Repeat that pattern for 1 minute. As a bonus if you’re up for you, try doing the half range squats for 10 extra seconds.
Move 3: Bicep curls
This has a similar stance as the squats, and again you may need to make that circle to give you more resistance. You start with your elbows by your side, and they stay by your side throughout the whole exercise. You should always feel your elbow by your side. Now you start by curling one arm all the way up and dropping it back down slowly, then switch to the other arm, and so on. Alternate arms for 30 seconds, then do both arms simultaneously for 30 seconds. As a little bonus if you’re up for it, try doing half range curls for 10 extra seconds. Just like the squats, this is simply going only half of your normal curl range, so you would stop when you’re arms reach a 90 degree angle and come back up instead of letting the arms go down all the way.
Move 4: X Band walk
Start in a similar stance as the last two moves, with your feet standing in the middle of the band shoulder width apart. Start by holding the handles this time because this is a challenging move, and then do your circle 30 seconds in if you need more resistance or want a bigger challenge. With this move you need to cross the band in front of you so that it makes an X, then hold the handles at your hips. Now you get down into a squat position, watch your shoulders and make sure you’re standing straight and not bending too far forward, and walk over two to the right. Alternate going 2 to the right and to the left for 1 full minute. No bonus with this one because it is a doozy lol.
If you follow my blog, you are probably aware that I am currently doing the 21 Day Fix Extreme home fitness program. Well, sometimes I like to take the toughest moves and use them as a little challenge for my health and fitness group participants. Share the love I always say, or in this case, pain! lol
During my workout yesterday, I came across this move. It had my legs and butt on FIRE.
If you watched that video, and you have access to a band, I triple dog dare you to attempt this move! Go until your legs can’t take it anymore, and then comment on this thread and let me know how long you made it.
Don’t allow yourself to get discouraged and fall off the wagon simply because things aren’t progressing as quickly as you had hoped. Results will come over time and effort. Even if you don’t see the changes as drastically in the beginning, they are happening within you regardless. Over time, you will start to really notice those changes, but you won’t if you allow yourself to give up before you reach that point in your journey.
If you set a goal to reach a certain point in 3 months, and you don’t quite hit that by the end of the three months, should you give up? Absolutely not, because if you stayed on track for three months then you would have made progress to varying degrees. That progress is something to be proud of, regardless of whether or not you hit your intended goal.
If you wait until you hit your long term goal to be proud of yourself, you are less likely to be successful. You should be proud of yourself every time you do something you previously couldn’t do, or up your weight in exercises, or even just for forcing yourself to do a workout on a day when you really didn’t feel like doing it! Being proud of yourself and what you have accomplished helps you stay motivated to keep going. Always remember to be proud of the small steps forward, because even though they are small, they are still steps moving forward.
If you haven’t started your journey yet, but you’d like to, visit us in my FREE Health and Fitness group to join a group of people learning how to lead a healthier lifestyle and incorporate activity into their lives. We’re voting now for the July Challenge, so you definitely want to get in the group ASAP!
After being forced to take almost 2 full weeks off from exercising due to a back injury that I sustained during one of my workouts, I decided enough was enough. This has happened to me a couple of times before, and it is primarily because of a car accident that has me a bit more susceptible to injury.
My problem is this: I have a hard time taking time off from my workouts. I like my workouts, and I NEED my workouts. I just feel better, and I’m a much happier and positive person to be around when I get to do my workouts. When I get injured, I have a tendency to brush it off and get back on the horse too soon. This is bad, and I know it lol.
This time, I decided to be proactive. While I was laid up, I decided to submit an order for PiYo. This program uses your own body weight to strengthen your muscles, and it doesn’t involve high impact activity. I thought that this would be a great way for me to compromise, by allowing me to get my workouts in while still giving my body the time that it needs to strengthen and heal.
After just ONE WEEK of doing PiYo daily, I thought I would give myself a little test of flexibility and pull out one of the old P90X yoga moves that I struggled with for the longest time: plough. The first time I tried, I struggled a little bit. I practiced with straight legs up for a bit, and then tried again. Second time was a charm! I was able to get back into plough again after just one week of PiYo, mind you it probably wasn’t as pretty as Tony’s pose lol. The hand clamp is definitely a work in progress haha!
It is amazing how much strength and flexibility that I feel I have gained in only one week on this program, and I am really excited to see my progress at the end of the 2 month program. If you enjoy yoga and/or pilates, I would highly recommend taking a deeper look at this program and considering it for your exercise regime. It is also perfect for people that have injuries that prevent them from doing some of the more hardcore weight or cardio based programs, because it allows you to still get a great workout without doing damage to your joints.
Click Here to read a bit more on the PiYo program, and try out a PiYo based workout for free.
Normally I don’t do this, but I asked Kassie for her permission to share her results here on my blog. This woman has worked her butt off with me, figuratively AND literally, for the past three and a half months.
Much like myself when I started, Kassie had no pictures of herself at her largest size. The photo you see there on the left isn’t even a true reflection of how far she had come, because she didn’t have a recent photo to utilize. Kassie came to me after having given birth to two babies over a period of 15 months, and she really wanted to get serious about her
weight loss journey.
Kassie started with me for my March Bikini Bootcamp, stuck with me through my April Bikini Bootcamp, and then went on to participate (and WIN) my May Step Challenge. She has also been participating in my June Biggest Loser challenge, and has continued to lose weight!! Since starting with me back in March, Kassie has lost a total of 48 pounds, and she shows no sign of stopping anytime soon!
As the winner of my May Step Challenge, Kassie took home the 21 Day Fix Extreme fitness and nutrition program. She is in her first week of that program, and I cannot wait to see how she makes out with this challenge. I could not be happier to have such a dedicated and positive person to work with, and I am really proud of Kassie for everything that she has accomplished.
If you could benefit from a support system and a place where you can be held accountable turn to for motivation, you are welcome to join my FREE Health and Fitness group! We do monthly challenges, and we are actually in the process of voting right now for the theme of July. Head over and request to join if you would like to kickstart your own health and fitness challenge!
So what if you’ve started and stopped you health and fitness journey many times over. Who cares if you’ve tried every diet out there, and failed to stick with it every time. Does it really matter that you’ve tried every weight loss remedy, pill, wrap, or drink on the market and still not gotten to where you want to be?
No. It does not matter what happened in the past, so long as you DO NOT allow it to impact your future in a negative way. Instead, LEARN from those errors. Use the mistakes that you’ve made in the past to fuel your fire and keep you moving forward in the present. Don’t allow your past failures to cloud your judgment and make you believe that you aren’t strong enough to do this, because you are.
You really just have to keep pushing yourself to dust yourself off and try again day in and day out. Keep trying to get through your workouts, and keep trying to stay on track with your nutrition. Each day you will get better, and it will get easier. As you build strength you’ll accomplish more, and it will build your confidence back up.
Only when you begin to believe in yourself, and to allow yourself to think positive thoughts of your success instead of negative thoughts of failure, will you be able to keep yourself on track.